God
must love stupid people- he made so many. |
I
got kicked outta Scouts for eating a Brownie. |
Im
a bomb technition, if you see me running, try to keep up. |
Beauty
is in the eye of the beer holder. |
How
do crazy people go through the forest?
They take the psycho path. |
How
do you get holy water?
Boil the hell out of it. |
What
do Eskimos get from sitting on the ice too long?
Polaroids. |
What
do prisoners use to call each other?
Cell phones. |
What
do you call a boomerang that doesn't work?
A stick. |
What
do you call cheese that isn't yours?
Nacho Cheese. |
What
do you call Santa's helpers?
Subordinate Clauses. |
What
do you call four bull fighters in quicksand?
Quatro sinko. |
What
do you get from a pampered cow?
Spoiled milk. |
What
do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
Frostbite. |
What
has four legs, is big, green, fuzzy,
and if it fell out of a tree would kill you? A pool table. |
What
is a zebra?
26 sizes larger than an "A" bra. |
What
lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches?
A nervous wreck. |
What's
the difference between an oral thermometer and a rectal thermometer?
The taste. |
What's
the difference between roast beef and pea soup?
Anyone can roast beef. |
Where
do you find a no legged dog?
Right where you left him. |
Where
do you get virgin wool from?
Ugly sheep. |
Why
are there so many Smiths in the phone book?
They all have phones. |
Why
do bagpipers walk when they play?
They're trying to get away from the noise. |
Why
do gorillas have big nostrils?
Because they have big fingers. |
Take
my advice; I don't use it anyway. |
A
clean desk is a sign of a cluttered desk drawer. |
If
at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you! |
He
who smiles in a crisis has found someone to blame. |
Anything
not nailed down is a cat toy. |
I
saw Elvis. He sat between me and Bigfoot on the UFO. |
Next
time you wave, use all your fingers. |
The
only perfect science is hindsight. |
He
does the work of three men: Larry, Moe and Curly. |
A
procrastinator's work is never done. |
My
favorite mythical creature? The honest politician. |
Leftists
are among the first to speak of their rights. |
A
penny saved is a Congressional spending oversight. |
I
like kids, but I don't think I could eat a whole one. |
AIBOHPHOBIA
- the fear of palindromes. |
If
puns were outlawed, only outlaws would have puns. |
I
was the next door kid's imaginary friend. |
If
you believe in telekinesis, raise my hand. |
Despite
the high cost of living, it remains popular. |
I'm
an apathetic sociopath - I'd kill you if I cared. |
Do
radioactive cats have 18 half-lives? |
Even
crime wouldn't pay if the government ran it.
|
Who
is General Failure and why is he reading my hard disk? |
A day without sunshine is like, night. |
The more people I meet, the more I like my dog. |
I
may be fat, but you're ugly - I can lose weight! |
They
told me I was gullible... and I believed them.
|
