If
at first you do succeed, try not to look astonished. |
What's
brown and sticky? A stick |
Barbie
is not a slut- her legs don't open |
How
do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the F word?
Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell*BINGO*! |
What
is a Yankee?
The same as a quickie, but a guy can do it alone. |
Q.
What do a Christmas tree and a priest have in common?
A. Their balls are just for decoration |
What
do a coffin and a condom have in common?
They're both filled with stiffs, only one's coming and one's
going! |
Q.
What is the difference between Medium and Rare?
A. 6 inches is medium 8 inches is rare |
Do
infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery? |
Inland
Revenue: We've got what it takes to take what you've got. |
Jesus
loves you... everyone else thinks you're an asshole. |
Why
is sex like a game of bridge?
If you have a good hand, you don't need a partner.
|
Lord
save me from your followers. |
I
said "no" to drugs, but they just wouldn't listen.
|
Sex
on television can't hurt you... unless you fall off. |
Depression
is merely anger without enthusiasm |
Eagles
may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines |
How
do you find a blind man in a nudist colony?
It's not hard. |
How
is a woman like a condom?
Both spend more time in your wallet than on your pecker. |
Early
bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese |
I
intend to live forever - so far, so good |
I
love defenceless animals, especially in gravy |
Q.
What do tupperware and a walrus have in common?
A. They both like a tight seal |
Dont
piss me off- I am running out of places to hide the bodies |
Did
you hear about the Chinese couple that had a retarded baby?
They named him "Sum Ting Wong." |
Ban
toilet cleaner- Germs have feelings too |
Be
nice to your children- they choose your nursing home |
Next
time you wave, use all your fingers. |
Ambition
is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy. |
24
hours in a day ... 24 beers in a keg ... coincidence? |
Q.
If the dove is the bird of peace what is the bird of true
love?
A. The swallow
|
Everyone
has a photographic memory. Some just don't have film. |
What
happens if you get scared half to death twice? |
I
used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.
|
What happened to the Pope when he went to Mount Olive?
Popeye almost killed him! |
Join
the Army, meet interesting people, kill them. |
I
tried sniffing Coke once. The ice cubes got stuck in my nose. |
Q.
What is the difference between "oooooohhhhh" and
"aaaaaahhhhhh"?
A. About 3 inches
|
Reality
is for people with no imagination |
Rehab
Is for Quitters |
Finally
21, and Legally Able to Do Everything I've Been Doing Since
15. |
Failure
is not an option. It comes bundled with the software. |
I'm
out of estrogen and I've got a gun. |
Discourage
inbreeding - Ban Country Music. |
They
call it 'PMS' because 'Mad Cow Disease' was already taken. |
Ham
and eggs - A day's work for a chicken; A lifetime commitment
for a pig. |
The
trouble with life is there's no background music. |
Quoting
one is plagiarism. Quoting many is research |
My
husband and I divorced over religious differences.
He thought he was God, and I didn't. |
Im
a bomb technition, if you see me running, try to keep up. |
Who
is General Failure and why is he reading my hard disk? |
Nobody's perfect. I'm a Nobody |
If
Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends? |
